Being single in your 20s

After I left my boyfriend at 25… I was newly single. I was free. And I was young. And all those combinations were not good for me. I should have stayed good for my son.. but I’ll admit I didn’t. I wasn’t drinking or partying when I had him but I was drinking and partying heavily.

I felt so alone in my head.. so lost in the world. That the drugs and alcohol helped me feel like someone I wasn’t. It took me away from the person I didn’t want to be.

I used sex as a form of happiness. Not caring about myself and not caring who used me. I’d get lost after being out with friends. Stay out all night with random people. Scaring my mom when I’d come home in the morning.

But I didn’t care. That continued for years. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed feeling nothing. I enjoyed the addiction of the rush. Not thinking about the consequences. Not thinking of the guilt I’d feel later on in life.

That rush took my anxiety away. It took my depression away. The combination of it all let me high. So I’d never have to feel a thing if I didn’t want to.. even for a night