I didn’t learn about relationships
As someone who was introduced to sex very early. I was always curious as to what it entails. I yearned to be in love. And to have someone fall in love with me. I presume that’s from nobody explaining to helping me through those thoughts I had. Or not feeling comfortable enough to share those problems with any adult.
My first few boyfriends were just close friends I’d have conversations over the phone. Back then we actually talked on home phones..no texting. Just real conversations. For hours. I always enjoyed a good conversation.
It wasn’t until I was about 15 that I had my first kiss. With a guy who was much older than me. Which at that time was pretty normal. I dated a lot of older guys. They were always around 18 or 19…sometimes 20. And I would always fall so hard for them. Again..yearning for that true love.
Boys didn’t ever want to pursue me for long term. I wasn’t that type of girl I guess..I wasn’t considered the pretty one of my friends group. I was more like the one that was there, and willing. Willing to make out and pretend I didn’t care.
It was such a weird age to be a girl. That age between 15 and 17. Life gets hard. You want to be liked. You want to be lusted over. You want to be pretty and popular. You want to fit in. I wasn’t really any of those things. I was just the cool chill quiet girl. The second choice. And I was so naive that I was okay with that.
I’d push away the nice boys.. the boys that actually liked me for the ones who never gave me the time of the day…. There was one boy in particular..his name was Josh. And he would engulf my every thought from 12 to 20.
Josh was 2 years older than me. He has blonde bleached tips in his hair. And always had earphones in..listening to my favorite band at the time incubus. He was a guitar player. And he was everything I always dreamed of.
Except he had one flaw.. he liked to party. Hard. And he would be the start of my downfall. The start of crushing soul. Because for a girl that young to fall so hard…she will do anything to make a boy lover her….
Stay tuned for the next part of this story
