My first born

My relationship with Joe did bring me a beautiful boy. My first real true love. Edward. Edward was born on March 24th 2012. I was 24 years old. And I wasn’t ready for it, even though I wanted a baby so bad. Mentally I was not ready. My pregnancy went well. Joe treated me like a queen. Did everything for me and took great care of me.

It wasn’t until I going into labor that I knew we would not make it much longer. I remember having bad contractions and wanting to epidural even though I said I was going to try and not do it. He got so upset at me and called me selfish and left me with his sister alone. This very rough moment I was going through gave me anxiety because he was now upset with me.

Unfortunately that pregnancy ended up in an emergency c section which I was deeply afraid of. But it went smooth and Edward was born and it was one of my great best moments in my life. He was beautiful and healthy.

For the next couple of days we were in the hospital and everyone came to see us and it was wonderful. The day came for us to take Edward home and Joe told me his friends and their kids were driving up to stay with us for a couple of days to celebrate. I was so tired and so scared of bringing a baby home I just wanted to be alone with us 3 getting to learn how take care of a newborn. Getting to know each other . I told him I didn’t want that..and again I was called a selfish bitch.

He didn’t help me in the car..and I remember the nurse looking at him strangely. He was so upset at me. He cussed me out the whole ride home. As I was crying apologizing.. it didn’t matter. We got home and they were there and I couldn’t sleep in my bed because the let his friends and their family sleep there. They partied all night while I stayed in the room alone with Edward..not knowing what I was doing. But it was the first time I’m didn’t feel alone. I had Edward and this love I felt was stronger than I’d ever known.. and we got to know each-other and I talked to him. We slept. It was the moment I knew I was going to leave Joe. I just didn’t know when or how.

I think we as women sometimes forget who we are in a relationship. Being so young, having children with the wrong person changes you. Although I love my son… he didn’t get the life he deserved because his parents would end up fighting for most of life.

Stay tuned for the next chapter…