The bond

I remember when my sister was born. I was so exited about it. So excited to have someone to play with. I was two years old. A lot of that time was blurry, but I do remember her. I remember her crying a lot and nobody going to help her. We lived in my grandparents house.. where they slept in the living room. Smoking cigarettes and drinking whiskey..filling the air with the toxins and the walls stained of smoke.

Brianna would cry all day long and my mom or dad were never around and well my grandparents didn’t do much. I remember the first time I climbed into her crib. I just lad with her while she fell asleep.

My relationship with Brianna was always very strong. We did everything together.. we even peed on the same toilet together. I helped her get potty trained. I helped feed her. I felt like I always needed to take care of her. I was her protector.

After she arrived at Marilyn’s when our mom gave us up… and finding out who Marilyn really was( there is a story on her before this one) I did everything to make it so Brianna wouldn’t get beaten. Of course I couldn’t keep it all the time but I would take the blame for everything so she can stay unharmed.

My sister grew up with so much fear..of everything. Afraid to cross the street. Fried to be alone. She’s never really learned how to take care of herself. She never really learned how to grow up. Not having anyone to help us in that area contributed to that. But she has had a harder time growing than I have. I’ve always been the independent one and she has been very dependent on anyone who will take care of her.

I often think that I went through a very small window of a time where I didn’t have chaos around. But she was born into it. She was born without a dad already who was in prison by that time. A mom who just didn’t care anymore. And all she had was me.. a child who felt the need to care for her even though I didn’t know what I was doing.

But I still to this day feel that need to help her and protect her. Our bond is so strong and when we go just a week without seeing each other we both can feel it.

Maybe it’s the trauma but there will never be anyone who knows me better than her. Who just understands who I am.. and why I am the way I am. Because we share that. We share a bond that only close siblings understand.